I constantly hear from people that love is about the right timing, not the right person. I've heard this saying so much that it has become part of my own mantra. I find myself saying it to people without really giving it much thought. Is finding someone that is right for you completely irrelevant to your growth and mindset? Could you find someone who is perfect for you, but not be ready for marriage, and therefore don't pursue loving that person for life?
I can understand that concept on some level, but at the same time, it brings up this idea that love is not a romantic connection but merely two people meeting at a convenient time.
Maybe love isn't about the fate of meeting The One, but in fact the fate of becoming The You that will fall in love, whoever that lover is.
Life is like a training program in love; how can you tell if someone you are dating is a trainee or the real thing?
Say you are deeply in love, but you are not ready to settle--does that make that love experience a training love? Or are there other factors that depend on which love is the love of your life? I really hope that there is more do love than just correct timing. That is why I feel more comfortable with the commitment theory I talked about in my Piece of the Puzzle writing. I would like to be able to choose someone, despite obstacles, because I love them, admire them, and have a great relationship with them.
Let's go back to the root question: How do you know that someone is the person you want to commit to? How can you tell the difference between a love, and the love of your life?
I have been corresponding with a lovely friend, Beth Crawford, about her experiences with love, especially long distance. One thing that she wrote about that stuck in my mind was an idea that the man she is dating now feels like a part of her family now.
Beth writes: "I knew I loved Joe about 3 months into our relationship. I just came to realize that he made my life so much better and I would be devastated if I lost him. In the past, I always had a feeling that my boyfriends weren't family. If I lost them, it was an 'eh' feeling, I think. I never felt the deep scary loss when our relationships ended as I imagine I would feel with Joe. The same as I imagine I would feel if my mom or dad or sisters died. For those who have a strong family connection, I think it might be easier to know when you are in love...because you want that new person to be a part of that family and you want to defend and protect that new person the same way you would a family."
The idea of a significant other becoming family seems like such a simple concept that it struck me so hard as I poured over Beth's words.
The feeling of family, sprinkled with a sense of defending them as well as being unable to imagine losing them, is a great way to understand how you love someone. I had never even thought to consider this concept, but I find it useful.
It makes me think of how I am so trusting of my family that I am more of a bitch to them than anyone else. Do you think yourself being a bitch to your significant other? Then he's a keeper! (Ha. Please don't take me too seriously).
What does family mean to you? Does your significant other fit into your idea of family?
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